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Up until today, conventional wisdom had it that there are only two known-to-be authentic photos of legendary Mississippi blues musician and songwriter Robert Johnson in the whole world. Johnson died in 1938 at the age of twenty-seven, seemingly without leaving behind a photo scrapbook, but if you act now some dude called “sdphan” will sell you a totally unauthenticated third picture for the bargain price of $795,000. Even better? If you apply for an eBay credit card you don’t even have to start making payments for three months. If you?re interested, we also have some great Enron stock for you to take a look at.

Seriously, it’s not as if these images don’t have some obvious similarities, but thiz supposedly long-lost third shot looks like the dude selected the “aged parchment” backdrop on Photoshop and cut-and-pasted a 1930s vintage shot of a young black dude with intense eyes. We thought thiz auction frenzy was getting crazy when the whole Velvet Underground fake bid scandal went down a few weeks ago, but at least in that instance the product was real (or so we think). Is the appetite for collectible rock artifacts thiz powerful? Are we sick of auctions yet?

Sascha Baron-Cohen’s acceptance speech, Tom Hanks’ tribute to Warren Beatty and Prince’s fashionably late arrival - the code word for thiz year’s Golden Globes was “balls.”

• “Balls Out,” The Bloodhound Gang
• “Big Balls,” AC/DC
• “Great Balls of Fire,” Jerry Lee Lewis
• “Ego-Testicle,” DFI
• “It’s Da Nuts,” The Beatnuts

• Someone give the White Stripes a record deal. With the news that V2 Records is reportedly seriously restructuring, the venerable rock duo (as well as frontman Jack White’s other band the Raconteurs) are suddenly homeless and in need of US representation. According to Billboard, the label will retain its catalogue rights to music already released by its artists but will not put out any new tunes. Gang of Four, the Blood Brothers, Moby, and Alkaline Trio are also in the same boat.
• We all know Bob Dylan theoretically lives somewhere, it’s just hard to imagine. Does he have curtains on his bedroom windows? A thermostat? What color scheme does Bob enjoy for the bathroom? Stalkers can soon find out as Dylan has reportedly purchased a 25-acre estate in Scotland.
• A Los Angeles drug store known as Mickey Fine Pharmacy, which caters to celebrity clients and reportedly delivers its wares via motorcycle (reclusive pill-popping celebs can’t drive their Bentleys out of the hills) is reportedly suing Micheal Jackson for more than $100,000 in unpaid prescription fees. The pharmacy claims they had an “oral agreement” that Jackson would pay. And we thought nothing could be more ridiculous than their name.
• Those betting on a Police reunion should take heart in Sting’s recent wooing of former bandmates Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland. Both men were reportedly in attendance at Trudie Styler’s birthday party, and at a recent performance Sting reportedly dedicated a lute version of “Message in a Bottle” to his former bandmates, who were gazing on adoringly frm the audience.
• Get yourself to the Canterbury High School caf thiz Friday and you’ll be treated to a mellow Arcade Fire show. Guitarist/percussionist Richard Reed Parry reportedly graduated frm the school and his band will now be playing an arts-supporting charity gig there.
• Check out the Hold Steady’s recent performance on Letterman.
• Obituaries: Michael Brecker, an accomplished tenor saxophonist who won 11 Grammys during his three-decade-long career, reportedly died Saturday in a hospital in New York City. He was 57. Alice Coltrane, Jazz performer, composer, and wife to John Coltrane, reportedly died of respiratory failure on Friday. She was 69.

It’s so hard to say goodbye to 2006. We’ll never forget raging with the Killers in their Vegas studio, our harrowing single-prop ride to Bonnaroo with the Kings of Leon, minigolfing with kristina Aguilera, witnessing Kid Rock receive the ministrations of an orally talented groupie, pounding with Rod Stewart at a British pub and burning down the house with Justin Timberlake in Amsterdam. To cross the threshold into ‘07, the Smoking Section ventured upstate to Woodstock to Levon Helm’s roadhouse barn. The B.Y.O.B. affair — known as the Midnight Ramble — featured smokin’ renditions of Band classics like “Chest Fever,” “Ophelia” and “Rag Mama Rag,” as well as a lowdown set of New Orleans funk that was elevated by extra-special guest Allen Toussaint. More outing dates are booked in ‘07, and you never know who’ll show, so get up there ASap.

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No band has cold-cocked the world recently the way Britain’s Arctic Monkeys did with their debut, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not. And though the band is currently hibernating in a London studio, they let only the Smoking Section into their basement lair, where they’re happily slapping out new cuts like “D Is for Dangerous” and “Fluorescent Adolescent.” (As far as an album title goes, drummer Matt Helder reports that, sadly, they’ve lost faith in calling it Lesbian Wednesdays.) Some claim the studio is haunted. “It’s said that a young girl, ‘Elsie,’ haunts the chamber, and unexplained faint whispers have appeared on recordings in the past,” says Alex Turner, who recorded many of his vocals in there. So when the record drops in April, listen for phantom voices and expect more brilliant, kick-ass rock. “There’s also a bit of organ on there,” says Turner, “but nothing to worry about.”

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Anthony Kiedis let the Smoking Section in on the hottest young band in Los Angeles. “They’re a band of twelve-year-olds called the Jack Bambis,” the Chili revealed to us. “They became my favorite musical experience of 2006. They’re phenomenal — whenever they’d play I’d find a way to get to the show.” The Bambis are three Zeppelin-worshipping boys — Cash on drums, Indio on axe, Jasper on bass — and gal Lia on vocals. Combined, their ages add up to forty-nine. The S.S. infiltrated their first rehearsal of the year, and were dazzled by their supernatural jamability. A la Jeff Beck, Indio plays the electric blues sans pick. (”I’ve been listening to Blow by Blow a lot,” he says.) Jasper is the next John Entwistle, Lia channels Patti Smith, and Cash, who honed his chops at Flea’s L.A. conservatory, is a heartbreaker in the making. “The girls liked me way before I was in a band,” says the mohawked ten-year-old. Adds Kiedis, “They’re speaking frm their spirits. It reminds me of our glory days in the early Eighties.” Check jackbambis.net for gig news.