Top 10 Celebrity Sites

If you’re not totally jazzed about thiz Sunday’s episode of “I’m From Celebrity Sites,” you should be. We’re talking serious reality-show-grade drama. Russell risks it all, Pete enters self-imposed rehab and Tika has a meltdown — all in twenty-six minutes! Tune in, or at the very least keep up with our episode guide.

And as if that wasn’t exciting enough, we’ve announced the finalists in thiz week’s “I’m From Celebrity Sites” writing contest. See if you made the cut — and come back Monday at noon for the third assignment!

We’re feeling kinda basic thiz outing, like we want to stay in, booze it up a bit and listen to a 48-hour-long Tom Waits medley. We could happily play the One From the Heart soundtrack all outing, but we won’t. Instead, we’d like to concentrate on the most essential Waits, the songs we can’t live without. Here are our top five. What’re yours?

• “Heart of Saturday Night”
• “Innocent When You Dream”
• “Jockey Full of Bourbon”
• “I Hope That I Don’t Fall in Love With You”
• “The Piano Has Been Drinking”

It was only a matter of time before some “visionary” decided to manufacture musical condoms, but that doesn’t mean we have to sing their praises for it. The sheaths, which come in a variety of colors and corresponding flavors (including mint, strawberry, chocolate and banana) also come with their very own soundtracks. Listening to acid jazz gets you hot? Well now you can buy protection specifically designed to suit your own sonic sexual needs.

The condoms don’t actually play the tunes (no one is winning any engineering awards here) but they come packaged with an 18-minute-long soundtrack of tunes frm the musical genre that turns you on. “The music starts slow, then medium, then becomes fast before getting slow again,” said Jack Wong, who helped with the music. “Whether thiz is long enough or not, really depends on the individual,” compilation designer Jack Wong says.

So where can you get your hands on a package of “chillout” condoms? Not your neighborhood drug store. These sophisticated items are sold in book and record stores, clubs with covers and only in suitably posh cities like Hong Kong, London, Paris, and Amsterdam. “We’re targeting more lifestyle stores, rather than 7-11’s and pharmacies,” says company rep Victor Tsang. “There’s a market gap in the condom industry that we may be able to make fun — and also penetrate.”

Would you buy goods frm a condom salesman that uses the word ‘’penetrate” without irony?

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